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A Mom’s Descent into Minecraft Madness

It all starts when you buy the Minecraft Pocket Edition. It’s cheap, it’s offline and the kid has been bugging you for weeks to play this game everyone is talking about. What harm can it be? Then one day you decide to play Minecraft yourself, just to see what the game is about. After all, you’re a good mom and the only way to understand a game is to play it.

Then it starts. Slowly, like a hissing creeper, Minecraft begins to invade your child’s life. And yours. Soon you find yourself buying a Minecraft guidebook for your kid. You’ve been told that boys enjoy reading more when they’re given material they care about, and dang it, something has to get this kid off the iPad. He’s playing Minecraft all the time! What’s wrong with this kid?

You discover that you can share your copy of Pocket Edition on all your devices. Now you and your kid can play Minecraft together, have a little quality time, and maybe he’ll stop asking about joining a server. (Aren’t servers where all the bullies and perverts hang out?) You discover paper crafts for Minecraft. Maybe if you craft something together, he’ll stop asking for more screen time.

Trying to make a paper #minecraft horse.

A photo posted by Denise Bertacchi (@stldenise) on

You find yourself getting mad when your kid won’t leave Peaceful Mode when you play together. What fun is a zombie game without zombies? You start to read the Minecraft guidebook for tips on castle building. Maybe if you can build better defenses…

You start to play a “just a little” Minecraft after the kid goes to bed. It’s surprising how satisfying smashing blocks and building castles can be. You make your own private Minecraft world–on your phone–because you’re tired of your kid taking all your iron. Mom needs chest plate too, kid. Those zombies are dangerous! You finally break down and buy the full version of Minecraft for your computer. Because you want a horse.minecraft horse

Now when your kid starts to ramble about all things Minecraft, you stop tuning him out. You’re proud of all the research he’s done! And  maybe you can pick up a few pointers.

Or not. You get a pet sheep. You get mad at your kid for dying all your sheep rainbow colored. You research Minecraft furniture and decide to put running water in your house. You realize that maybe, just maybe, you’re getting hooked on this game. You download an app so your kid can make a custom skin for his Minecraft character. Then you paper craft it.

A friend tells your kid about Stampy Cat on YouTube and now you have to learn how to install mods. After spending hours looking up mods on the internet, you find out that Stampy Cat plays on Xbox and his mods aren’t compatible with your computer. Your kid cries. You hate Stampy Cat. You buy your kid a plush Creeper to make up for Stampy Cat being such a pain in the butt. Splody makes everything better. You put him on Instagram.

Mitch made Splody a #LEGO #minecraft helmet enchanted with fire protection and feather falling!

A photo posted by Denise Bertacchi (@stldenise) on

You find a “kid friendly” Minecraft server, and decide do a little exploring to make sure it’s not full of perverts and bullies. By the time you tell your kid, you’ve built him a little starter castle with walls, a garden and his own personal iron golem. You know, so he feels safe.minecraft You make a Minecraft costume for your child. Your kid thinks you’re the Queen of Awesome. You buy a second Minecraft license so you can be your kid’s body guard while he’s on the server. Besides, you were tired of playing as “Splody07” and wearing a skin only a 7-year old would dream up: Creeper/Enderman combo.minecraft

You secretly claim your own piece of land on the server. You don’t tell your kid you’re playing without him while he’s at school. You buy your kid a plush Enderman as a souvenir when you go out of town because ordinary souvenirs are lame. Plus, look at this cool hat! You take pictures of the Enderman having lunch. He’s having a beer.minecraft indy

The kid takes his Enderman to school for show and tell, then forgets him in his desk. On a Friday. You convince the school principal to let you into the building after hours to retrieve “something important” from the kid’s desk. You don’t tell her it’s an Enderman wearing a sombrero.

Guess who’s going to school today? #minecraft   A photo posted by Denise Bertacchi (@stldenise) on